Girl With One Track Mind (Sexhunters)
I Fell in Love on the Northern Line
Get Your Tits Out! by Lydia Towsey
Get your tits out!
Fucking 'ell
nice breasts, girl
can I 'av a feel?
Look at the rack on that
PHWOR! I would, wouldn't you?!
Wouldn't chuck it out of bed
Oi, YOU! Come over 'ere
and show us your boobs
your jugs, your melons,
your humps, your chest
'Ere love - d'know, you've got
really massive tits?
Yeah. Thanks for that - I actually
did - but it is
very kind of you
to point them out,
it has after all been a full
six hours since I saw them last -
in the bath, getting dressed,
doing up my bra and
oh yes! here they are again!
courtesy of you.
Sorry? what was that?
Am I taking the piss?
No, no, of course not
I'm just congratulating you on your
excellent powers of observation,
your honesty and
your bravery -
it's rare to find a person
who's quite so willing
to open up themselves
to such a free and frank
return appraisal
Now, let's see -
you're. . . not very attractive
and (I'm sorry, but based on your
recent comments, I am going to have to say)
a little bit thoughtless,
ignorant and uninventive
so clearly of below average intelligence.
Oh dear, you seem to be getting angry
Let me just finish. . .
though to be both stupid and ugly
is by no means uncommon
You are I have pleasure in saying -
exceptional
in being so willing to draw attention
to your very clear limitations
by calling out to me in the street.
Say again? I'm a fucking plastic freak?
No, no, they are quite real -
I have thought of getting them reduced
But I rather think I'd miss
This kind of open honest banter. . .
Hold on I've got something for you too. . .
You. . . pig ugly, stupid fuck
Why don't you go and
throw yourself under a bus
you fucking insult
to men with brains - who is never
by any sane woman - ever
going to get laid
Yeah, yeah, cool.
Now, if you could just stop shouting for a moment
I'll answer your previous question:
Really sorry, but I'm afraid it
is going to have to be a no:
you can't feel them.
But well done you for breaking every rule
of social grace and asking.
Must dash now -
and I'm sure you've got to go and buy some
small brain,
tiny penis growing
chauvinistic paper? So,
bye for now. .
See ya. . .
See ya. . .
Bye. . .
Posted: May 2007. Copyright: Lydia Towsey