Girl With One Track Mind (Sexhunters)
I Fell in Love on the Northern Line
It's Nippy Out There
by Dani Carbery
Oi, Santa! Be fair,
Have a care,
Though your desire to share
Your gifts with kids everywhere
Is admirable,
I disagree with your choice
Of animal.
How many times does it have to be said
That poor old Rudolph's nose is RED?
Did it ever occur to you, Mr Claus,
The fact reindeer fur is short is the cause?
His nose is red for a reason,
The season,
He's freezin'!
Now, it would take some weights and a high protein diet
To build up their strength, plus training to fly at
High speeds.
But please. . .
Lambs, rams and ewes
Are the beasts you should choose.
With thick, pure wool coats
They are built to cope with
Cold high winds,
Cold wet snow,
Cold hard frost,
Yes I know
Sheep aren't in abundance round your way
But no one would notice if some went astray
From Wales
Myfanwy and Olwyn
May not have the same ring
As Blizten and Prancer
But give it a chance
Picture the scene.
It has always been
A bit of a prob for Mums and Dads
To calm down excited lasses and lads
When you're on your way
With gift laden sleigh
They battle to stay
Awake.
Dirty great reindeer with clodhopping hooves
Must make a right racket when landing on roofs,
That will do nothing at all to improve
The situation.
Not only do sheep
Have much smaller feet
So are able to creep and be more discreet
But if a kid sneaks
To the window to peak
At you with your treats
Then spies your new fleet
Of fluffy white sheep
Passing by with a leap,
Starts to count, one two three,
They will soon retreat
To their cosy bed sheets,
Unable to keep
From entering deep
Sheep counting induced
Sleep.
Your rounds will be slicker
With fast asleep nippers,
You'll get home much quicker,
Mrs Claus will be chipper,
You can put on your slippers
And get out the clippers. . .
Oh, sorry, did I fail to mention
Sheep's bottoms do need some attention?
To make your new pets' Christmas merry
You'll have to trim their dangleberries.
Not a nice job, I'll freely admit,
To trim away bum fluff all covered in,
Surely the pros outweigh that con.
Give Rudolph some time off, go on.
Dani Carbery
Posted: December 2006 Copyright: Dani Carbery.